…My Blog…

I lost someone dear to me today… Someone whom i haven’t meet in about 4 years now… i lost him to HIV… He’s the "Happy Go Lucky" type of a person.. always smiling and laughing.. cracking up stupid silly jokes.. he’s the highlight of every occasion.. he made his present noticed. But i guess he carried the "Happy Go Lucky" attitude way to far.. He got the complete package of a professional nowadays.. Tall, Great Body, Great Looks, Stable Career, Money, Luxurious Condo, Expensive Cars, Girlfriends, and… Boyfriends… yup he’s a homo aight.. the complete package to a doomed death.. what make things worst.. he’s been drugs for years… and just now @ 4am… he drew his last breath.. loosing and submitting himself to the GREAT’s calling… he is officially dead of HIV… His Tall, Great Body, Great Looks, Stable Career, Money, Luxurious Condo, Expensive Cars all mean nothing now… His body shrink to just skeleton.. his lungs, kidney, heart and most major organs fail to function for the past 5 days already.. to be honest he looked more like a zombie… Somehow when I receive the phone call informing that he already past away, I’m in content as I was so glad that he is finally out of his misery.. out of the torture of being ill, out of the pain of his body’s complete failure… Amin…

He is the first person I knew that have HIV, the first person I knew that died of HIV and the first person I knew closely.. truly I’ll miss him…

For everyone out there, stay out of drugs, free sex, homo sex and lead a clean live. You do not want to die of HIV… Think of your love ones… or at least think about your own death… I know I did.. I definitely do not want a slow, torturing death like his… Nauzubillah…

Ya Allah, bless his soul with Your grace. Ya Allah, may You have the mercy to forgive him of his mistakes. Ya Allah, may him find peace in Your kindness. Amin.

What’s the the true definition of waiting? Is it waiting for someone for a date.. for hours and hours.. or waiting for something to happen to you that might change the course of your life? or is it waiting for you to realize that waiting is just waiting as it seems? Waiting, perhaps one of the most painful, restless, anxious act of a human being, sitting down at a corner, doing nothing but hoping to get what he wants.. Recently, I waited for my love to finish his job interview for 9hours and about 30 mins, in a car, sweating, warmed by the sun and tired of anxiousness.. the truth is, not the sun or the concentration of waiting that numbed me.. but my worry that I will not be there when he’s out that drench my strength out of me.. I know, while waiting i can kill my time by doing some other things, like perhaps go to the nearest shopping mall to do some shopping.. or go to the nearest diners and grab a bite.. but again, the fear of me not being there for him killed every thought of me moving even an inch away from the office (where his interview was) as I really want to be the first person he turns to if things doesn’t go as well.. or the first person he shares his good news. Its insane come to think about it.. me the hot tempered lil missy.. waiting for my love for 9 hours.. its already insane for me to wait for anybody at all.. not to say 9 f**king hours.. and that all taught me a lesson.. waiting does not torture you.. what makes you wait is the torture.. the thoughts.. the intention and the purpose.. what you feel while waiting is the needle.. and waiting is simply the drug.. sigh.. will i wait again.. we’ll WAIT and see..

ahahaks..

I’ve tendered my resignation last Wednesday… of course my bosses are not happy about it.. but i am.. Its really a tough call, the reason why I quit my job is because i stumbled across a chance of doing my own business. MY own company… how cool is that.. the dilemma is, what if the business went down? am i crazy to quit my job and pursuit my dream of having a business.. indefinite I’ve done my ground work, did my research and registered my company, but somehow there are still people in my life not having the same confidence in me as i have for myself.. Again.. am i crazy or just darn too brave and stubborn to listen to them to build my own freaking business.. Or.. just too smart?

hehehe.. I think I’ll let my business to be the judge..